Separation Phase

New year resolution haritu is to start fresh living without you in my life. It was sudden decision, but yeah. I did it anyway. Me being me, macam biasa, I'll ask around to my girlfriends for their opinion which they agree on.

I'm keeping this here maybe, just maybe one day you want to look back and laugh or maybe one day you lose your memory, maybe this could help you out. lol.

The separation was real. Really hard for me. I was struggling and I kept it cool for the next 5 months. It was difficult for me because all I did remind me of you. I usually share everything with you. You understand me. You will listen to all my rant and stories and it will go on for hours. I guess we had too much in common. I felt that I understand you. No one around me understands what I really go thru. ( but I don't go thru anything. HAHAA)

3 months on the road I was doing fine. I went to work and do stuff as normal. I felt that I'm doing fine, and girl I was wrong, on the 4th month during quarantine I was doing fine wasting my time all of the sudden you kept appearing in my mind space. I was so confuse and mad at the same time.

On the 5th month you send me something, the moment I hear your name, I broke into tears. I have no idea why and it wasn't sad or wasn't happy either. It was a sudden rush of unexplained tears came rushing thru.

Then I had a conversation with my friend, she mentioned that did I feel good when I made the decision at the early of the year? I said no. I did not feel good doing that but I force myself to feel okay.

I get frustrated as people around me don't really understand the situation and even they say they understand, I don't think they understand.

A friend of mine asked about "rindu", that wasn't it. So I gave up on explaining what ever this is. I know that one guy would understand what I'm saying, but I stopped asking to Him cause I kinda don't want the answer. Mannnn... why I'm so complicated.......????

I put this here because I don't think anyone around really understand the situation.