Bad Sign

I woke up extra early today~hahaha~ thanks ummul!! I should get up anyway.. hahahaa~ maybe I should start looking for a new alarm clock to wake me up. hahaha~

I have (want to actually) to do the house chores for my comfort and losing weight. hehehe~
only vacuuming today ok! I started to tumble on things. accidently bump my right leg to a (bucu) sofa. ouch! screaming.. coz no one at home, so I can be extra gedik. hahaha~ it wasn't bleeding pon!

then,
I accidently stracth my right arm at the door. then I scream again=.=!! (maaf saya gedik). saje.
mengada. no one at home and no one around to judge me... yea!!! but, the second time stracth.. I have this excitement feeling where that is a very bad sign.(or you want me to bold it instead of colored the word in red?or both?). I've watch stories where they is some people would hurt themselves as pleasure to be specific they have mental problems~ huhu~ so, that makes me....... a retarded? hahaha~

while cleaning, I start to wonder why should i be happy if I hurt myself? I normal, and complete with everything. (except wanting soooo mucchhh a new camera phone! hahaha <-- I can't get onw coz my result is damn bad).. so, the reason is, I'm depressed and I need a Psychiatrist...haha~

I know that I work so hard on studying this time, but I know that is my luck to get that, and there is no fairytale story. hidup seperti roda ada kala anda di atas dan ada kala anda dibawah. so, I can't complain about it!!!! but the words is still lingering in my mind... specifically my dad's words "Syadia lagi pandai dari awak"... I'll get depressed everytime I remember this but I can't get is off my mind. I'm never will be able to compete with my siblings. I'm the black sheep.. *beeekkk* why he have to let those word slip through his mouth? I've tried my best to study that particular semester just you don't know. I write this all down because I want to forget it. I always write things down just to forget it....

ps: malas la nk pegi bersenam kat atas tuh.. malas nk lari selama 20mins. penat pulak... decided nk buat sit up jer.. hahahaha~