Separation Phase

New year resolution haritu is to start fresh living without you in my life. It was sudden decision, but yeah. I did it anyway. Me being me, macam biasa, I'll ask around to my girlfriends for their opinion which they agree on.

I'm keeping this here maybe, just maybe one day you want to look back and laugh or maybe one day you lose your memory, maybe this could help you out. lol.

The separation was real. Really hard for me. I was struggling and I kept it cool for the next 5 months. It was difficult for me because all I did remind me of you. I usually share everything with you. You understand me. You will listen to all my rant and stories and it will go on for hours. I guess we had too much in common. I felt that I understand you. No one around me understands what I really go thru. ( but I don't go thru anything. HAHAA)

3 months on the road I was doing fine. I went to work and do stuff as normal. I felt that I'm doing fine, and girl I was wrong, on the 4th month during quarantine I was doing fine wasting my time all of the sudden you kept appearing in my mind space. I was so confuse and mad at the same time.

On the 5th month you send me something, the moment I hear your name, I broke into tears. I have no idea why and it wasn't sad or wasn't happy either. It was a sudden rush of unexplained tears came rushing thru.

Then I had a conversation with my friend, she mentioned that did I feel good when I made the decision at the early of the year? I said no. I did not feel good doing that but I force myself to feel okay.

I get frustrated as people around me don't really understand the situation and even they say they understand, I don't think they understand.

A friend of mine asked about "rindu", that wasn't it. So I gave up on explaining what ever this is. I know that one guy would understand what I'm saying, but I stopped asking to Him cause I kinda don't want the answer. Mannnn... why I'm so complicated.......????

I put this here because I don't think anyone around really understand the situation.

He must think I'm funny

Bila dah mintak dia petunjuk, dah bagi petunjuk bukan satu tapi banyak. Tapi still tak percaya dan tolak je petunjuk dia. HAHAHAHAHAHA

Kalau aku mesti dah tepuk dahi. dah cakap banyak kali tapi bebal.
tapi in my defense, dia mcm tak confirm. sooooo.. kenot!

Sorry lah.

My Dear Boy (我的男孩) Episode 11

Script that I like in the film;

新人類的變種的話，我希望最好能取消想念這種功能，對，取消想念，因為我覺得想念這種能力是沒有功能的，譬如你想跟一個東西講話，可是那個東西根本不會回應你啊，而且想念，反而會變成是一種負面能量，讓你很沒有精神，很沒有鬥志，愈想就會愈

覺得自己是個nothing。

對啊，因為你是nothing，所以你只要想念別人的義務，沒有被想念的權利。

因為你是nothing啊，被忽略被忘記，那都是理所當然，你把人家當好朋友，那是你自己自以為是，人家只是把你當路過，路過你懂嗎的？這是過了就過了，過了就算了，過了就沒了！
人家已經沒了你懂嗎？誰叫你是nothing，還是好好面對現實，接受承認吧，你就只是一個路過，什麼都不是，什麼都沒的nothing，什麼屁都不是！

I'm Sorry

I'm writing this for someone 6 years ago (around there). 

I'm sorry for being to childish and very immature of me.

I'm sorry for being a very ignorant human being to you.

I'm sorry for not understanding you more.

I'm sorry for everything that I've done to you. 

I don't really realised this when things happened to me. 

I realised that I've treated you badly. 

I'm sorry. I've asked for your apologies for another specific incident with you. I hope it won't open old wounds. but you became this gentle and very matured person. You've changed a lot and I do too. 

All these years, you still kinda keep in touch with me. 

you know what to say at the right time. :)

I hope everything would turn as you wanted. 

The right person will come to you. 

have patience (I'm writing this for me too!)

Thank you for being that person.

Warning to all readers.

I'm writing this after few years of abandonment... I'm back for awhile. Sayalah orang tu yang bila susah cari blog nih.

This is public post, kene be really careful while typing things out. 

This post is relating to my heart. 

Yup, at this time of this moment, I don't want to deny this, I realised that I do fell in love with a guy. Maybe kawan-kawan sekeliling boleh teka and tau on this issue. Issue ke(?). 

aaaaaannnndddddddd......

Oppsss.. I did it again. I confessed to that guy that I liked him. 

And history repeats itself, I've been rejected, kali ni punya gila kejam punya. Hopefully I don't do this to anyone.

The thing is I don't know to move on from this or not. Still contemplating whether to move on or not. I guess let the time decide. Tapi don't worry, I'm not crazy person yang terhegeh-hegeh dekat kau. I'll act cool like nothing happened and we are strangers again. Well, I'm the one yang ada very bad attitude problem, I accept that no one can cope with me sebab tu aku takde dengan sesiapa kan? Coz my attitude problem. Now it make sense. 

I do believe there is someone out there are meant for me. Just dia lambat sampai. Lambat benor kau nih.

For those heartbroken macam I, stay strong! we can do this! We can go through this! We are too awesome for that guy. He can't handle us because we are awesome! :)

Why I'm writing this? Cause I want old me to remember this. 

On the bright side, I learn more about myself and acknowledge and live up to my life policy that is, you only live once and do your best and not to regret it later. So, I've done my part because I've done all the necessary action that I could done so I don't regret later.

Keep Smiling and Continue and Repeat.

"aku tak letak kahwin sebagai matlamat hidup aku"

Read it without judgement. 

Ini bukan statement aku. and please set aside religious opinion to yourself. 

Statement itu dari lelaki yang muda dari aku 2 tahun. 

It came and struck to me pasal kahwin bila I was left alone to manage myself for ONE night. I was driving back home after dinner with my office mate. I was thinking, IF! If I'm still single for a very long time, I would feel lonely at some point where I do felt if at that time. 

It's not that I don't have any friends, I do, but they do have their life to live not just around me. 

It would be those days where I don't have anyone to listen to my stories, my day and those jokes I saw in the internet. 

It would be those days that I have to do thing alone like dining outside, movies and travel.

It would be those days that I'm super sad but no shoulder to cry on. 

It would be those days when I'm sick there's no one next to me. 

It would be those days that when there is no one to share with if you have a happy/exciting news. 

People around do get busy. 

There will be a constant waiting for the "One" to come by and you thought the one came by, it turns out it wasn't him.

So you could see how I view marriage kan? super typical and cheesy. I know that life is not always rainbow and sunshine, there will be storms and hurricane. I wanted choose to see only rainbow and sunshine and hope those rainbow and sunshine would help me get through the stormy days.

Orientation

Sebenarnya nampak post dekat Fb pasal kes ragging teruk gila... and ada comment pasal adik dia naik balik and quit sebab tak tahan. Teringat waktu masuk UiTM Segamat dulu. Orientation and awesome people around me help to be who I am today! :)

Al-kisahnya, saya ni jenis takde goal in life pun, tapi lepas dapat diploma in UiTM, tetiba jadi perempuan yang berjiwa kental eechcehehhh! hahahaa! Waktu seminggu orientasi, memang lah penat dan bosan. Tapi I guess sebab new environment, new beginning. Waktu orientasi, diaorg brainwash kata one of the best universiti, senang dapat kerja, bla.. bla.. blaa... tapi one thing yang I remembered that changed me.. dia kata tak semua orang boleh masuk sambung blaja, so kene grateful. lagi satu dia kata, You have a new beginning, you can be whoever you want!

Waktu orientasi dengan MPP, takde masalah. Orientasi dengan wing pun takde masalah, orientasi dengan kolej dan dengan course pun takde masalah.

Orientasi dengan wing tu paling awesome! kte dapat tingkat 3, akak2 senior ni jenis sangat lah friendly and baik. memang tak buli langsung, siap ajak makan sekali. borak-borak tak ingat dunia. bila tanya pasal blaja pun diaorg ajar. baik sangat. and one of the senior jadi kawan baik sampai sekarang, dia salah seorang yang mengubah saya ke arah yang lebih positive. 

Kolej dengan course pun dah tak ingat dah apa orientasi dia. tapi that moment, orientasi tu memang change my life and serve it's purpose. 

Agaknya I'm blessed :) 

Thank you so much for helping me along the way :)

Alhamdulillah :')

Embracing Your Flaws and Strength

It's been awhile since I'm writing again. 

Been busy, busy ke? hahahaa!

So I was eating lunch, I was watching the television and a Hindustan movie came up. Then I started to say, "Cantiknyaaaa Rani Mukherjee" and remembered how I'm jealous of my Indian colleague's eyelashes. Pergh! panjang! mata besar! melentik! 

Ada lagi seorang colleague dia features muka biasa je, tapi kaki dia cantik! means dia pakai kasut apa je pun sesuai. (eh! kenapa tetiba tulis BM nih?). 

There are some features of us that we wish it would be better. It gunanya make up! hahaha! Tapikan, God is fair! if Dia bagi something better, Dia akan bagi something that you need to improve. Ada kawan selalu kata, kesiannya tengok dia, ada orang buta dekat opis.. but the thing is,  I don't. Because he would have better thing than us. Maybe dia appreciate his lives more! maybe dia look everything more positive than us. Disable is not a flaw. It is a strength.

I have a deaf aunt, I love being with her! memang jarang jumpa dia. Tapi once jumpa even though she is deaf, I think she is super awesome! dia punya aura and positive-ness, I love being around her!

REPEAT AFTER ME!

"I'M PERFECT AS IT IS, I'M BEAUTIFUL IN MY WAY"

I'm Perfect

Is it weird, 

I always feel that I'm perfect. 

When you let me go, then it's your loss.

After graduate from Degree, I went for interview. At that point, I wanted Management Trainee position. I never thought that I would enjoy sales. So at some point, I was selected for the second interview with all other overseas graduates which most of them didn't know UUM existed. LOL! and at that time, I doubt myself.

It was one on one interview, and one of them was the head of contact centre asking me regarding working in sales and I pursuade her to give a chance to do it. Main reason was my parents who disagree me in sales as they say that everyone can do sales. 

When I was doing interview with this current job, I honestly mention that my parents would disagree on the job. But I said that I would convince them. And I'm still working in sales for 9 months! wehee! and I love them! 

So, it's your loss for not having me as your Management Trainee because I know I can do awesome things for your organisation! 

I'm being super positive. I don't know when I start to be this way. But it's creepy and scary and proud at the same time. :D

Once you let me go, you would loss a lot. An Awesome Friend. :)

Here are my picture. See! 

Cute too! hahahahahaha! 

Life is wonderful and magical

Hey guys, 

I'm feeling like writing my heart out. I'm not an awesome writer or even good grammar, as people may know why I have blog so I could put everything in here so I could put them and bury them as memories. The happy ones and the bad ones too. 

I'm watching The Fault in Our Stars and I'm crying non -stop for no reason. It make me thinking about life so much. I learn from my mistakes, but.. there are things that I took things for granted. Life. My life. 

Let me tell you something, 

The moment that I know you. I know you will be a huge mistake. Like Taylor Swift, I know. Cliche. I know that we won't be together, but I guess why I stayed because I hate to be awkward around friends. Because I couldn't find other group of friends to hang out with. You took something from me I hate you for it. I blame you for it. I guess it was the test and I FAILED miserably. 

I want it to end. End it now. As you wrote to the future me. The difference it, you will see the ghost. 

I'm strong, beautiful and optimistic. I know that I can do it! 

The End.l

My Birthday Celebration!

I would never thought that this year birthday would be awesome!

My normal birthday every year, would be wish on Facebook because they could see who's birthday today. Few years later, I hide the notification and see how many people would remembers my birthday. It would a few those who really close to me. and the day goes like that, nothing happened. Normal as they goes. and usually I won't be home during my birthday coz I'm in campus. 

The thing about me, it would be hard to do a surprise to me, because I notices everything. But I appreciated the effort :D

This two cakes are from Kinat, she said because for 3 years we celebrate both birthday at the same time, so this cake is for Semah and Me. :)

This cake is from my sister kinda of cake from my family :)

This is birthday feast at Murni Discovery with my lil sister :D

This is birthday card from my department with signatures from the top position of the office :D

 This is another cake from another job!

 Michelle gave this one! :3

 Hui Shan and Wen Yi

Birthday treat! A fancy one but I love it! super delicious!

I'm so lucky to be surrounded with awesome and great people like all of you. Thank you so much to celebrate my birthday! I'm so grateful, Alhamdulillah. :) 

Thank you for always being there when I needed you guys! :')

Bonus! Click more for link to my YouTube Channel!

My Own YouTube Channel

As few of close friends of mine knew that now I have my own youtube channel. It's a vlog! I wanted to try. Writing a blog is more personal than doing a Youtube. 

I just read my old me writing me a future blog. 
I'm not married, Just started working for bank. 
and no. I won't further my Masters. 
and I still a psychopath. 

But I don't want to write anymore. I don't have the time. And do not want to write it anymore. 

... I do wanted to tell all of you my new Youtube Channel.

Click read more for the link! :D

Future Afiqah

Dear future Afiqah,

Disebabkan tengok banyak sangat cerita "How I Met Your Mother"

I'm writing a post entry for myself.! hahahaa~

At this time as you are reading,

I wanted you to remember who you are,

don't be cocky or anything,

be strong as you are before

I don't know what you are doing right now,

but I'm hoping you are working in a bank or a huge company

and looking forward to having promotion in the near future! =D

owh! make sure that your salary reached at least 7000. hahaa~ (if you are working)

Hoping that you'll will get married next year! hahahaa~

or already married =D

And don't get any mental illness as you already have back in 2010 =D

If you have bad day/week/year.

Always think positively.

Always remember that Allah is there and always there.

don't forget to further you master! =D

anyway.

Please write another future post for future you.

As I'm writing,

That day is Sunday; 20 June 2010

Growing Up

.. If you watched me grow up, you would be very proud of me. I am proud of myself though! LOL! :D

Some people, their age do increase every year, but they really stayed in their child minds. 

I'm blessed to met a lot of awesome people, giving me so much to think. Opened up to me in your own perspective. Even though, I don't really agree with you guys, I would just listen and trying to understand your perspective. 

Every single day, I met a lot of people. Talking to a lot of people. I feel you bro. :P

I know people would say, you should respect people to earn respect from them... but to get their is very heartbreaking. When you trying to be respectful to them, they don't to you. It hurt so bad.

I glad where ever I am. I learn so much on watching my words. I learn so much on not judging people. I learn not to be negative all the time. I learn not to think the worst thing about others. 

I've grown up. I hope you proud of me. 

Different People, Different Perspective.

When you see your facebook friends posts pictures of him/her overseas with those branded products. What actually come to your mind?

Some people would say; oh! that is a nice design or good on him/her!

Some people would say; It must be nice to see those places!

Some people would say; you are showing off are you!

Some people would say; He/She would have a very good life, good for him/her.

Some people would say; I'm sick and tired to see all of your picture, I should block/hide/unfriend you!

Some people would say; I hate you *log out*

Some people would say; I want to go there some day.

So, what do you say?

I'll usually scroll down and said "meh"

I'm good...

... at pretending that I'm okay.

The fact that one day I'll find the opportunity to get a revenge. and the fact that it stays in my freakin head. 

"Please don't. Don't it it!" said the nicer part of me. 

.. and when the time comes, the evil part of me will take over automatically. 

It may or may not came true

When I was a kid, I never bothered what future holds for me. What could wait for me. This actually continue until I end my form 5, before I get my placement in UiTM Johor, getting course that I never heard of. 

Going to university seems a normal thing to do, but a place I could see people with vision and have planned their future and how to get there. I always wasn't that person. When I was a kid, I even thought that I won't live that long to see what future is. Meeting with people and mingling seriously where they told what are the vision and future is, I realised that I can be whatever I wanted if I work for it. 

Later on, I started to fell in love with the subject and knowledge. Furthering my degree and actually finishing it. Growing up from diploma to degree, I have this vision of mine that I want to achieve. When people asks what I wanted to do, I have few of them. Few of paths that I could take. 

Graduating, this unemployment phase, searching for a job is very hard, especially what I wanted. I took up a selling license and got a job offer. Another financial institution. It is not a glamorous job. Still in sales. Which I would never take it seriously at first. When I met other candidates and the employee. Shows that this may be my platform to see how I cope with everything. It may not be my ideal job. Thinking what are my career goals, I started to see what I might be in the future. 

and it was my initial career path that I wanted. Hope this would be the best and I always know that everything happen for a reason. I always discover myself. and I really think I could handle the pressure. :) I'm a very weird person. and I told the interviewer that my future colleague could see me crying probably once a month. bhahaha. 

Till then, see ya later. :)

Persoalan.

biar pun blog ni di-update sebulan sekali or sekali dalam dua bulan or dalam beberapa tahun pun. ada orang baca ke tak ke. biar. nanti rajin, baca balik le blog ni. 

pagi bangun sarapan. cuba teka sarapan apa! okay bye! hahaha.

tengok cerita Upin Ipin, kebetulan tak pernah tengok episode tu lagi. tapi dah lama terfikir pasal ni. Isu dalam fikiran berkaitan dengan Kak Ros. (tadi punya episode kak ros tu macam pelik).

Kak Ros adalah pelajar sekolah menengah. Adik kembar dia pergi tadika. Parents dia dah meninggal. Tinggal dengan opah dia. so, persoalan, dalam situasi macam tu, pelik kenapa kak ros bukan orang yang matang. mungkin untuk menceriakan plot ke tak sure. tapi pelik. jarak umur yang sangat jauh, kak ros macam budak2 tak berapa nak matang dengan adik-adik dia. Kalau apa-apa jadi dekat opah? 

Memang, Kak Ros nampak sayang adik dia. tapi cara dia macam tadi, opah bagi dia hadiah, dia halau adik-adik dia kata itu dia punya. tak macam... ??? entah. macam tak puas hati dengan karakter Kak Ros tu for no reason. bhahaha! 

tapi, persoalan lagi satu. Apa itu matang? haaaa! dah dari satu isu ke satu isu! hahahaha! google jap apa jawapan dia. okay, takde jawapan yang menarik. Matang itu boring? hehehe. Matang itu penting ke? siapa boleh mengaku dia matang? 

ok. kepala dah berasap nih. hahaha. bye! 

Tips Kemarau

oh my! lama gila tak update blog. punya malas. punya takde mood. punya ada masa banyak benor! hahahahaha! 

berikut adalah tips untuk jimat air sempena kemarau 2014; 
saya adalah orang yang paling pandai jimat air, sebab saya tak suka air. hahahahaa!

1. Mandi sekali sehari.
seperti saya, saya selalu mandi sekali sehari. mandi pagi, lepas tu, elak buat aktiviti yang berpeluh. see! jimat air. tapi lately, kene workout, kene mandi. kalau tak, haaa. bila busuk baru mandi. heee.

2. Jangan pakai shower.
sebenarnya, dekat rumah pipe rumah bocor, so dah lama pakai tong sampah besar dibuat jadi tempat tadahan air. hahhahaa. jadi, jimat lagi. 

3. Elakkan tanam pokok.
sebab bila tanam pokok, kene siram. hahahaa! 

4. Takyah basuh kuali or pinggan
haaaa. membasuh pun menggunakkan air!

5. Elak flush toilet...
kalau buat bisnes kecik tu, oh! kalau pakai toilet tu kau sorang je guna! hehehe. kalau duduk public toilet, tolonglah flush. hahahaha! pastu nak elak bau, tak payah amek caffeine and minum air kosong banyak2. takde bau. :P

6. Pakai baju sampai busuk baru basuh.
kalau sape kerja dekat opis dengan aircond, boleh la recycle baju sampai keluar bau busuk baru basuh. hehehe. sekarang pun saya sama, pakai baju rumah sampai bau, pastu baru basuh. kumpul baju banyak-banyak pastu baru washing machine. :)

Akhir sekali, minum air banyak-banyak.
mari kita berdoa hujan banyak-banyak! 

stay indoor! 

Prank

OMG! lama benor tinggalkan blog ni. punyalah malas nak update! 

but yeah! ini update lama punya!

haritu 11-Dec-2013 (11-12-13)

confirm ramai kawen and ramai tunang.

so, I did this..

abaikan yesterday. Facebook memang macam tu. I received several phone call yang tak nak angkat. hahaha! nanti di-bombard dengan soalan pelik-pelik. so, by the time 9.00pm.. keluarkan statement ini...

hehehe. Those who actually really know me that I like pranks. :)

and a small price to pay, kawan pun dapat call tanya, "ehhh.. fiqa tunang?"