Down to the ground

as today progress;

My progress is very slow and devastating. As I'm studying and I started to felt like I was the only stupidest person in the whole world. I just wanted to burst and cry as hard as I can. Cry until my tears run dry. I am really felt down as all is really my fault. I should study earlier when you know that the lecturer is not teaching properly.

All the motivation I've had during diploma was lost in the sea where I can't swim and bring it back. Where currently; I'm still fishing hoping that I'll catch back my motivation with what ever bait I have.

All the nightmares I've wanted to get rid off is coming back. The heart-breaking situation felt today, where I felt like there no one stayed by my side. I was all alone in the dark and gloomy sunshine. When you know who is really your friend and who is not. Where you would see that everyone will run as fast as they can when you in trouble. I understand that situation as people we are allowed to be selfish (a little). 

I wanted to cry my eyes out, but I can't because my room mate is in. ='(